She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
