just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
