no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
