I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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