Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
