plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's shark week go big or go home
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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