JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
wow bdsm is so cute
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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