we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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