i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
