He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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