Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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