I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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