I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize