That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
