I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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