With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
