TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
