Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
