What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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