I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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