Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize