he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
