I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
