i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
