I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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