I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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