theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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