I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
