i just wanna soil my oats bro
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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