is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
