R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
