what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
