he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
