last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
