You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
