why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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