Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
