I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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