I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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