how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize