i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize