Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
