Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
