why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
