dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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