Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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