Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
