weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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