If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
