My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
