I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
