i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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