i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
cat food counts as protein by the way
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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