i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The best revenge is premature balding
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
