It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
