i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
