Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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