An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
