And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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