I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
