i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Terrible idea I love it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
