I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
