Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
