did you get engaged???
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
