you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize