DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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