I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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