theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize