my sisters under your porch take her home
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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