Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
