your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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